so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Found the puke drawer
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Randomize
