you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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