Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
