My girlfriend figured out who you are.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
