...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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