idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
