shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
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I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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