Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
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I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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