Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
