he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
