I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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