Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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