Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
