Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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