i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
