im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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