i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
