He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize