my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
