Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
