Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
