I just threw up on my dentist
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
