So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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