I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
