Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
