In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
