I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
