omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
