there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
