did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
