Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize