Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
