There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
