why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
