When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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