Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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