So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
