dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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