Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
