I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Damn victory sex feels great
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