you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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