Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
