Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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