where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
