why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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