I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
