What a fucking waste of an outfit
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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