I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
