I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
