Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
