Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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