Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
