My first STD was from a foam party
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
