and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
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I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize