Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
