i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
