did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
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Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You made out with two different species that night
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They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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