dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
