I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
