I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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