I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
