Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
