I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
