dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
