I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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