apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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