someone threw a dead crab at me
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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