between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The power of my boobs compel you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
