I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
