i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
