it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
