My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
