jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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