I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
