Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
